So much has happened since my last blog,which was ages i know.
My amazing mamma(Grandma) passed away last month. She was very poorly and never suffered in the end. It was still a massive shock to know that i wouldn't see her again after that fateful last visit at DRI.Alex and Faye and i went down on the sunday after i finished nights. We got there and got the news she wasn't very good.
To cut a long story short my mam asked her if she was ok to see all 3 of us.When she returned i was delighted to hear"yes son go on in". When i did go in i was heartbroken to see how unwell she looked. She could barely breathe.
The day passed bywith the wonderful personality of my very young son cheering up all and sundry in the family room(i was so glad he was here with me". She tried putting this claustriphobic oxygen mask around her head.It was her only hope of surviving.An hour or so passed.
Then it came.Bad news.Nothing more could be done.
How do you try to explain a feeling that totally outreaches devastation? That was me,that was all of us.I looked to Alex for innocent smiles.He didn't fail.
"Mam can we see her one more time?" I knew it was the last.I knew it.
Back mam came with a nod and a quick"yes".
In we went.My heart broke a thousand times seeing this strong and respectful woman, who helped shape me into who i am today , now looking like there was no more in the tank. Then that self sadness disappeared with a bit of solice. She tried to stay with us all to the very end. I felt quite happy.
I told her i loved her,as did Faye. But what did i take comfort from that afternoon. Well it's something i will never stop remembering. Mamma reached out her fragile hand for alex.He too reached out.She squeezed his little fingers and he gave her the longest smile i had ever seen him give.
I said goodbye and out i went feeling something i have never felt before.True sadness but a great sense of understanding. I can't explain it. Some of you may know what i am referring to.
The funeral went well as did the wake. Family i never met in ages and some i never met.
I decided i wanted to talk at the Crem. Bad idea when i initially stood up. I took me forever to compose myself.Just a few tissues is all i need , i thought.Wrong.All gone in no time.Swallowed snot and tears and just spoke memories. Then something wierd happened . This is how it went:
" i know you don't usually do this sort of thing at funerals but if you would all like to join me in saying 3 CHEERS FOR MAMMA,HIP HIP hooray,HIP HIP,hooray-tearful now-HIP HIP hooray"
With that a sigh.Retook my seat and the rest is history.
All i want to say Mamma is i loved you every second of my life. I never held as much respect for anybody as i did for you and i know some amazing people. I miss you and whether it be in heaven or Great Yarmouth i know we'll talk again and that you'll see my son all grown up just like your little Andrew.
PS WHEN I DO SEE YOU ,STICK THE KETTLE ON.
